


the day remus lupin stopped living

by socially_awkward_slytherin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Post First Wizarding War, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22143268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socially_awkward_slytherin/pseuds/socially_awkward_slytherin
Summary: The day Sirius Black was shipped off to Azkaban, Remus Lupin stopped living.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	the day remus lupin stopped living

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @and-the-chamber-of-idiocracy

the day remus lupin stopped living 

The day Sirius Black was shipped off to Azkaban, Remus Lupin stopped living. He doesn’t remember what he did for those thirteen years. He doesn’t remember if he can’t remember because of the drink or because he repressed the memories.

He can still recall the agony he felt as he heard news of what his lover had done. Sirius Black the only good person in the world. Sirius Black the only good person in Remus’s life. Sirius Black, Sirius Black, Sirius Black. He looped the days they spent together. He scanned every memory for traces of insincerity. The only good parts of Remus Lupin’s childhood has been tainted. The sun to Remus’s moon was gone and now he couldn’t shine. Not even that, Sirius has exploded and Remus was destroyed. 

And he couldn’t stop himself from fucking loving the bastard. He would wake up every morning longing for Sirius by his side. He would snap out of nightmares without his best friend to comfort him. Not only did Sirius leave Remus but he left him alone. No one else he loved was left. Lily was dead. James was dead. Peter was dead. And Marlene and Mary and Dorcas and Gideon and Fabian and and and Sirius left him alone.

He couldn’t do it. Remus couldn’t face the world alone. In a heartbeat he would trade his life for one of the fallen for Lily or James or Peter or even Sirius fucking black himself because maybe the he wouldn’t be so confused.

Was every moment they shared a lie? Every desperate kiss? Every whispered conversation in the late hours of the night? Every secret that Remus told Sirius and no one else? Every fucking birthday and Christmas and memory? Did Sirius ever really love him? 

In a way, that meant that Remus never really lived at all. Everything he was was touched by Sirius Black. Everything he was was Sirius Fucking Black. If all of that was a lie, that meant Remus Lupin didn’t really exist at all.

Once when Remus told Sirius that he didn’t truly know who he was, Sirius has told him “It’s simple, love, you’re my Moony.”

That November day when Remus Lupin came home to an empty flat, he stopped being. 


End file.
